This project has been one with which I have struggled since I began working on it in August 2019. This was the first time I had done anything like this and to sum up the way I felt about it in two words: unprepared and overwhelmed. I have been taking photos for quite some time, you know, with my iPhone. I had one semester of experience with film photography before beginning this project, and I was excited to further explore the medium. Initially, I did not want to embark on a project that was personal. I did not want to open up for fear of being vulnerable or making others uneasy by oversharing. I soon discovered that to create something meaningful, it had to come from within. So… What changes do I want to see in the world? What have been my greatest struggles? What is important to me?

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When I began going to therapy in college, my therapist and I made a huge discovery. This discovery was that I have anxiety. This began a journey of self-reflection, new ways of thinking, and learning strategies upon strategies to handle my anxiety. This project became one of those strategies. I began by writing down all the things that make me anxious, descriptions of my anxious feelings, and all of my fears. Then I visualized these feelings and fears. I turned them into photos, and by doing this, I did something very powerful within myself. Instead of these fears and feelings putting me in a box, trapping me and hurting me, I put them into the frame of a photo, I put them into a box. This therapeutic process allowed me to take control over fears and feelings that I have been controlling me all my life, and I want to challenge others who struggle with anxiety to do the same and share your results.

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Not returning to school after spring break was devastating. I lost access to the darkroom and was not able to develop film or print pictures from film I had already developed. I feared I would not be able to finish this project, much less feel accomplished or proud of my work. Fortunately, I was able to get someone to scan some of my film so that I could have them in digital images. After my hard work, many tears, much frustration, and these unforeseeable circumstances; I have these images. They became so symbolic not only to overarching goal for this project, but also these recent circumstances.